i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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