If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
