Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize