You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
