You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize