the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
