Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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