who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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