All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
