I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
