i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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