I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
