I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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