Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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