I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
