theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize