This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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