you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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