I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
