I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
