So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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