Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you inspire me to be a worse person
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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