if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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