What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
