I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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