Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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