She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
