I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Randomize
