five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
