i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
