We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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