And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
