but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
