yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
