Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have fence marks all over my body
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize