i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
