Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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