You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
