chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
