1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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