Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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