I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Randomize
