she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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