maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
