The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
