Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
