My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
