chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
