I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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