Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
