well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
