i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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