You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
