Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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