Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
