we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
