...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
