Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i've created a new STD.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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