I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You've changed since you got that strap on
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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