You're my little dorito
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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