Small penises have feelings too.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize