Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Shame - the story of my life.
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