It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
