we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
