I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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