Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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