I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize