Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize