I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
