3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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